Blog About Bullies

Not a new trend, but since the creation of the internet, one of the most asked questions in chat rooms is A/S/L (age/sex/location)?  Based on your answer strangers send private messages asking to exchange pictures and other personal information. When my wife was in 7^th grade it was popular amongst her peers to get into chats, pose as other kids, or kids would pretend they were her, and give strangers home phone numbers and addresses.

Although this was close to ten years ago, the potential risks involved have not dissipated. Research has shown that 38% of all online girls have experienced harassmentand 40% of teenage girls have sent sexually suggestive messages as jokes. According to the Girl Scouts Research Institute, 30% of girls engaged in a form of harassment while in a chat room, but only 7% told their parents because they were afraid of getting banned from the computer.

For some reason there is something appealing about harassing strangers on the internet. I am not innocent of the ‘cyberbully’ title. When I was about 13 years old I would take words that I heard at school and use them on anonymous internet users. Cyberspace served as a scapegoat where I could vent my frustrations of classroom warfare.

It wasn’t right, and in retrospect I would change some of the things I said. The problem that exists almost 20 years later is how personalized the internet has become. Social sites have unmasked the anonymous content of the early chat rooms.  Now a real person, a real face is attached with usernames. Private information is released into the public domain with simple clicks of a keyboard. Today, citizens shopping habits, search history, locations, and personal information travels faster than the speed of light through the infinite realm of cyberspace.

Have we given up our right to privacy from connecting to the cyberworld? We are allowing our children to expose information that can ruin their future before they even understand how life works. Do you remember what it was like when you were a youth? When you had all the information needed to survive, but didn’t understand what a job, rent, taxes, and medical insurance was.

As a parent it is sometimes hard to reflect on what it was like growing up. Your love for your child blinds rationalization of the struggles faced while transitioning through the years. Try to keep an open mind and secure communication line with your children. Don’t be scared to tell stories of your mistakes so your kids can learn from them.

Is it a good idea to provide youths with cell phones? This is a hot topic in many parenting forums across the internet. Supporters of supplying children with phones believe that it is a great way to stay in touch with their child. On the other side of the debate parents state that buying their kid a cell is costly and opens the door to predator attacks.

For those of you who believe that giving your child a cell phone will serve as an open line of communication, are you able to come to terms with the fact that your child can choose to ignore your calls? This may create an unintended barrier in your relationship. Also, your child could engage in conversations on their cell phone, hide these dialogues from you, and fall into a disturbing predicament.

Take into account the case of Joseph Leal, the 36-year old minister from Henryetta, Oklahoma. Supposedly Leal had been texting a 14-year old girl after meeting her at his church camp. First it started with spiritual exchanges in 2009, then in the summer 2010 he began sexting the little girl. Finally in spring of 2011 the teenager started saving the explicit texts and reported the interaction to authorities.

Almost two years of conversation hidden from the world. Regardless of the context of the discussions, do you believe it is moral for an adult to exchange text messages with a child who is about 22 years younger?

Obviously the cell phone didn’t execute any illegal actions, but it did enable the scenario to play out. Situations like this help fuel the’anti-cell phone for children’ advocates. Despite personal beliefs, these conversations could have been discovered sooner if the girl’s parents had known about Mouse Mail. Mouse Mail is a service that monitors text messages, emails, games, and social websites in an effort to protect children from potential predators. When a threat is detected it is diverted to the parents so the child is unaware of the dangerous attack attempted.

As a parent you are free to have your opinion and raise your child however you see fit. If you do choose to let your kid have a cell phone, educate yourself on the dangers involved and services offered to help ensure wave-length security.

Written with pain, the idea of having a child gone missing is a parent’s biggest fear. Place yourself in this scenario; your child has been missing, her cell phone messages are being deleted, and new messages are appearing. It would be safe to assume that your kid is in a safe place since her phone has been active, but the police come to your house to notify you that your daughter has left this earth.

Milly Dowler, a 13 year old British girl, went missing. The media titan, ‘News of the World’ hired a private investigator to hack into Milly’s phone to listen to her messages and delete old ones so people could call her phone. Milly’s parents were also listening to their daughter’s messages. This illegal maneuver led Milly’s parents to believe that their child was still alive, when in fact she had been murdered.

Despite the cruelty, justice has been served. ‘News of the World’ has been shut down and will publish its last issue this Sunday. To end a 168 year run on a good note the media conglomerate will not publish any ads. All proceeds from their final issue will be donated to charities.  Is this an act of desperation to save face?

What could have been done to protect Milly’s cell phone? Should Milly’s parents be compensated for their breach of security?

There are programs available to enhance software protection extending into cell phone security. Unfortunately an innocent girl lost her life, but the world needs to take all steps possible to ensure this doesn’t happen again. Parents please don’t just read about Milly and feel sad, be proactive in helping others protect the future generations of tomorrow.

How do you feel when powerful figures in society like Tiger Woods, Brett Favre, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are involved in sexual scandals? Are you afraid that your children look up to these celebrities as role models and will copy their actions?

Well believe it or not, the person who has the biggest influence on your children is…YOU! As a parent you have the choice to ignore, participate, or encourage your children’s actions. The celebrities youth imitate are normal people whose faults fuel media success. These exploited humans are parents, brothers, and children. Citizens who do not have celebrity status are not exempt from broadcasting abuse. 

Thanks to social media sites like Twitter, Facebook, and MySpace children are able to reach superstardom through their mistakes. One post of an illicit picture or one hateful comment can spread across the internet like an epidemic disease. The result of one bad choice by your child will echo through the virtual world, bouncing into the hands of media conglomerates, which in turn will profit off of your family.

Only you have the power to protect your children’s sanctity. The societal pressure loaded onto todays internet generation is almost impossible to relate to. There is a transition happening and parents need to jump on board with what is going on.

What are you doing to stay pro-active in protecting your kids? Are you keeping an open relationship with your child? Being a parent can sometimes be a tough job, and many don’t want to believe that their child will make a devastating mistake. You are the adult, so swallow your pride, jump out of your comfort zone, and have a talk with your child about the dangers of the internet. There are a lot of fun and rewarding aspects to the internet, but there is an apparent truth associated with the web; what you don’t know, CAN hurt you.

As this year moves on we are reaching the mid-point of summer break. Capitalizing on the extra moments allotted to hang out with their kids,many families are engaging in activities during the summer holidays. There used to be a time where kids were able to escape classroom stressors, but thanks to the internet today’s youth are stuck in the realm of peer anxiety. Children fall asleep, wake up, and live connected to the World Wide Web.

What are you doing to help your offspring keep their sanity over the summer? Since, in certain parts of the country, children are not in school they are able to checktheir electronic devices all day. While school is in session many students can only connect to the web before and after school. This leaves more hours throughout the day where children are exposed to potential web threats.

During the school year parents entrust the school system to protect their children. Many school districts have developed and enforce anti-bullying programs to help ease parent’s worries. Does your local school have such a program? If so, is there a way to incorporate these strategies into the summer months?

What can parents do to help protect their children from bullies during the summer months?

• Be proactive- Install some form of computer monitoring software. Find a program that will send alerts to you if a potential text, web-page, or game has been accessed.
• Set Rules- Come to an agreement with your children on the amount of time they are allowed to be on the internet while you are at work.
• Offer Rewards- Children tend to be on their best behavior when they know they will be rewarded. Nothing promotes following the rules better than a trip to a waterpark, the zoo, or a new video game system.
• Don’t yell- If your child makes a mistake calmly explain to them that what they did was wrong. Chances are your child is scared to tell you something bad happened to them on the internet, especially if they know you are going to scream at them for it.
• Mental Deterrent- My father would always say, “While at work, I am watching you. I know everything that you do.” Somehow it would work because even though it was physically impossible for him to watch us while at work, the thought kept us in line.

How many parents join the online gaming world with their kids? The Entertainment Software Association (ESA) discovered that 35% of parents actively play video games with their children.  ESA also claims that,‘60% of parents agree that it is not the role of government to regulate game sales in an attempt to protect kids from exposure to violent and/or sexual video game content’.

From these statistics it may be concluded the majority of the parental population believes that it is the family’s responsibility to protect children from video game threats. How is this possible when a higher percentage of parents do not play the games they are expected to shield their kids from?

Jill Manning Ph.D. once stated that many parents are unaware of the connection online gaming and pornography share. If you are a member of the 1/3 of parents that play games with your children, chances are you are able to relate to Manning’s statement. For those of you who do not play games with your children you may be ignorant to the subliminal content weaved into many games.

Not to single out one particular game, but an example is the popular Grand Theft Auto game series. The main storyline involves drug trafficking, forming relationships with shady characters, murders, and multiple interactions with strip clubs. To regain health, the main character can pick up ‘street walkers’, drive her into an alley where the car parks, begins shaking in a rhythmic motion, and finishes with a commencement noise children shouldn’t be exposed to.

If you are shocked by this description, then you need to join the 35% of parents that are involved in their children’s gaming. That is only one situation in one game. New games are created for the internet and gaming consoles every day and they are using product placement to attract a new generation of customers. Can it be justified to let kids play these games because they are too young to understand the innuendos weaved into popular storylines?

Parents, are you aware of the infinite dangers that your children can expose themselves to on social networking sites? Have you had the ‘strangers’ talk with your youngsters? We instruct our children not to talk, exchange contacts, and accept rides from people they don’t know. Many parents share the same fear that an anonymous perpetrator will one day swipe up their offspring.

Consider yourself technologically savvy? Are you a parent who is ‘hip’ to modern trends? Despite your personal knowledge there are websites that promote ‘talking to strangers’. It is actually the slogan of Omegle who boasts ‘there is nothing to stop you from revealing personal details if you would like’. 

Do you still feel safe about what your kids can do online? There is no age limit associated with stranger chat sites. One site known as iMeetzu has an option to ‘make local friends’ where you can type in your address and it will connect ‘strangers’ in close proximity to chat with. 

Personally I overheard my wife’s teenage cousin talking about her experience on these sites. Sometimes she says there are people who are not wearing any clothes, and other times there are people that she exchanges her phone number with. Among the top questions people ask her is where does she live and if she likes to party. She likes the idea of talking to strangers because they are on the computer screen and out of arms reach.

If you are a parent who uses internet safety software, does it block websites like this? Did you know that there are over 100 sites like Omegle and iMeetzu? There are websites developing every single day which can bypass many security programs, and some children are able to find sites that are not flagged by protection software. Check your browser’s history for some of the most recent ‘stranger’ chat websites: like:

• Chatroulette.com
• Zupyo.com
• Jaydoe.net
• Kittehroulette.com
• Flirtspin.com
• Ranchat.com
• Roulettechat.fr
• Diropia.com
• Tinychat.com
• 6rounds.com
• Anybodyoutthere.com
• Mebeam.com
• Tokbox.com
• Ekko.tv
• Palbee.com
• Vawkr.com
• Camfrog.com

Recently in Bridgewater, MA a group of Intermediate School students attacked a fellow classmate while in the bathroom. The incident was caught by cell phone video which led to the suspension of the assailants. Thanks to the instant informational flow of the internet, if you feel so inclined, it is possible to watch the attack by simply searching ‘Bridgewater bully’.

Parents who watch this video may be disturbed by the quick assault, especially if they imagined the boy on the floor was their own child. On the other hand, there are many children who will watch this video and say ‘sucks to be that guy’. From my own personal experiences working in an alternative education program I have found that many youths view incidents like Bridgewater as ‘awesome’.

A recent study claimed that almost every middle and high school student has an internet accessible cell phone. Fast access to video sharing applications allows for incidents such as the Bridgewater attack to go instantly viral. Do you remember what it was like when you were a child? Before cell phones and instant messaging, you know around the same era when sand was first invented. Reflecting back wasn’t it strange how conversations spread like wildfire. In today’s generation rumors travel through word of mouth like the good old days but also gossip spreads instantaneously through technological communications.

How has technology impacted school aged interactions? Canwe blame the internet revolution for creating the cyberbullying beast? Or should we thank it for exposing altercations like Bridgewater?

Should children be held liable for breaking cyber laws in countries in which they do not live? Many countries have developed firewalls that keep citizens locked into a designated realm of the internet, but the internet has no physical borders. What happens when a citizen, especially a youth, ventures into a world without limits?

Recently a 19 year old was arrested in Britain for alleged web attacks. Arguably this child is of mature age and should be held responsible for their life decisions. What if this was a 13 year old, or even younger? At what extent do parental controls work, and how do you know if the steps you are taking are protecting your child from their own mistakes?

It is a tough dilemma in deciding to let your child learn from their experiences. Proactive parents are taking steps to ensure their children’s safety online, but how can people feel confident in the parental control software they have chosen? The FBI cracked down on a pair of scammers who were offering a security program for a small fee.

Here are some tips:

• Be wary of sites that offer extravagant protection for a ‘too good to be true’ fee

• Search through parenting blogs for first-hand accounts of successful internet safety programs

• Do not be afraid to have talks with your children about the dangers lurking in cyber space. Also, be sure to ask what the ‘cool’ websites their peers are talking about and then check them out for yourself.

• It’s not too early to talk with your kids, researched has found that by third grade, 90 percent of children are online.

Hazing, is it a rite of passage or an abusive tactic? There are many different reasons that ‘lifers’ initiate rookies. Be it tradition, welcoming a new member to a team, or a warning for a new guy to understand their place, what do you think about hazing?

Many sports teams welcome a greenhorn with pranks such as putting tape underneath the newbie’s ice skates so they fall down on the ice, or pull the old shaving cream jock trick. Some businesses torture a new recruit through coffee and donut runs. Yet, the most notorious of hazing rituals is that of seniors terrorizing the incoming freshman class in high school. Where is the line drawn between a joke and a vicious crime?

Here is a quick true story: (names have been changed)

In fall of 1998 in Fairbanks, Alaska there was a boy named ‘Pokey’. Pokey was a freshman at East Mountain High School. All summer Pokey was worried about going to high school because East Mountain seniors were notorious for initiating freshman. During lunch time on the first day of school Pokey’s fear became reality.

A junior boy knew Pokey from playing on the same competitive hockey team and asked Pokey if he wanted to ride to ‘Taco House’. Irresistible to his favorite restaurant, Pokey forgot about what happened to freshmen who left school grounds during the first week of school and got in the car. Laughing at the junior boy’s jokes Pokey didn’t realize that the vehicle he was riding in was traveling in the opposite direction of ‘Taco House’.

About 5 minutes later, at a desolate intersection, the car screeched to a halt. Pokey noticed some sketchy figures standing by the stop sign. His heart raced when the fuzzy blob split into a group of senior boys racing to the passenger side where Pokey was sitting.

“Sorry Poke,” said the junior boy as Pokey was ripped from the vehicle.

Pokey’s screams were drowned by the senior’s laughter. Regardless of how hard he fought, feet dangling, Pokey became imprisoned with duct tape and saran wrap to the stop sign. ‘Juice’, the team captain got overwhelmed with adrenaline and unscrewed the antenna from his car. Without a second thought, Juice proceeded to give Pokey a lashing. Despite the pleas from his senior companions, Juice kept swinging until Pokey passed out.

Everyone was so shocked about what had just happened they all tore away in their vehicles, leaving Pokey on the sign in the hot summer sun. Pokey was not found until that afternoon when an older gentleman was on his way home from work. Pokey refused to tell anyone who was involved because he believed this was his ‘welcoming’ to the team. To this day nobody has been punished.

Is there anyway a parent could have known about or protected their child from this sporadic hazing? How do parents comfort themselves when children interact in unattended scholastic situations?